Unfinished Symphony
Define absence for me
Its the state of lacking
Or it can be the state of being away from someone
At times it can be replaced for distance
The feeling of missing
But your absence doesn't quite fit
With either terms
If you lack in one thing
Then the void can always be replaced
But this one can't
And the state of being away
Means you'll see them again
There's hope there
But you never will
It pains me to remember
Your presence in my life
Not just the hard truthful memories
But also the late night heart-to-heart conversations
Your absence can be felt during my milestones
And in the quiet corridors of the apartment
No more yelling or loud motivational speeches
I kind of miss those
All of the memories
As time goes on
I tell more and more people
Of the kind of relationship we shared
To me you weren't just my father
You supported me and trusted me
Always stating, "She has a feeling"
Telling me to go for my passions in life
No matter how far fetched they seemed
Other times
We would disagree
And as they usually go
Involving a lot of yelling
And anger steaming from both parties
You never would apologize since you were never wrong
But you did to me
You put your stubbornness and pride aside
To try to understand
Spending a day in my shoes and me in yours
How I would stay up at night
Just to wish you "good night" before bed
What I would do now for one of those hugs
Especially when I needed the extra support and strength
To laugh one last time
At your horrendous dad jokes
Or go on our late night jogs
You introduced me to rock and classical music
Along with your passion for reading
Even when I would read under the table
You still never said anything
Our relationship was tough yet comforting
So similar although from two different timelines
I guess that's where I get it from
My passions, my insights, my perseverance
I'm a hopeless romantic
And often times called an "old soul"
I blame you for that
For showing me the old fashioned movies
And making me fall in love with that traditional lifestyle
It pains me that you won't be around
For my wedding
To see me flourish
To become the person I'm growing to be
So much unfinished business
I wish I called more
And opened up sooner
But at the same time I don't
I got my chance
Unlike the rest of my siblings
I got time to speak to you
And resolve old traumas
You gave me that closure
But your absence is still felt
It lingers in my lowest of lows
And highest of highs
To shooting whiskey on a bad day
And running off to my endless adventures
I take your memories with me
So although you're gone
I can still feel your presence when needed
Mazal Yakubov